Learning to See Christ In Me!

Expecting the bitter bite of cold, I was pleasantly surprised to find the water was very comfortable to be in. It wasn't long before I had dipped my head beneath the surface. I felt the silky water moved against my skin, and ripples moved and undulated away from me as I brushed the surface of the lake with my hand. I noticed the hint of fall colors just beginning to show themselves in the trees, and took pleasure in the rustling leaves as the wind played through the branches. The sun reflected and danced over the water, and I felt a deep pleasure well up within me; wonder bubbling to take expression in my heart and on my face.

My last couple blogs contain my theological journey into understanding that the Gospel is the good news that we are united to the Father, Son, and Spirit, not that we somehow need to make that happen. Furthermore, not only are we wrapped up into the relationship of the trinity, but Christ is actually inside of us! We aren't relating to a distant deity trying to get Him involved in our lives, we are waking up to the reality of how included and and involved He already is! I am now going to try and communicate how this truth has changed me and how I relate to God, to others, and to creation. I want to share some insight into how I experience Christ in me.

If we start relating with God from a belief of separation, my interaction with Him will need to be completely different then anything I think, feel, or experience on a normal day to day basis. If I am separate from Him, then everything that I am and everything that I experience has to be interpreted as originating primarily from myself or from this world. This means that any 'relationship' I make with God is very disconnected from everything that I know and everything that I am.

Separation is the fundamental belief that religion thrives on. Since I am separated, now I have religious/spiritual life that I need to add onto the natural/human life that I currently have. I now have to separate my life into these two categories, spiritual and natural. This dualistic way of thinking easily goes one step further and becomes Gnosticism, which has always been recognized as a heresy within the church. Since I am separate from God, anything that I currently experience, think, feel, and know is bad, while anything that is spiritual, religious, or different then my normal life is good. That is Gnosticism in a nutshell, reject the physical to pursue the spiritual. Thinking this way leads to a very disconnected life with lots of straining and striving. It creates confusion, uncertainty, shame, and pride. Our lives become a disjointed attempt to supplant our natural human experience with some sort of religious or spiritual one. This will be awkward and it won't feel natural or very human.

The underlying cause of this binary way of living, is the belief that we are separated from God. I have discovered that Jesus came to show that we aren't separate, but united to Him and to His Father! Union is the main premise of the good news, and when we start with union we interpret our thoughts, emotions, and experiences very differently. There is no separation between God and I. He is involved in my life, I don't' need to get Him involved. Now I look to see what He is doing and what He is saying. My relationship with Him starts with us already being together, it isn't something that I need to make happen. My faith is my active participation in a relationship that already exists from God's side of the equation.

In Christ He reconciled all things to Himself, and united Himself to us while we were still rejecting Him in the blindness of our sin. He is at work in our hearts and minds, leading us into His light and truth, revealing Himself in us, and showing us the life we were always created to live. If I need to make this relationship happen, then I will always be on the hamster wheel of religion, trying to make it happen and wondering if I am doing it right. This relationship isn't something that we choose, we do not invite Jesus into our lives, He has included us in His life. Now we are waking up to this great dance of relationship that we are already in, and we can actively participate as it is unveiled in our lives.

Baxter Kruger puts it so succinctly. "If it is my job to get Jesus into my heart, then I will spend my entire life trying to get Him in there, and the rest of it trying to convince myself that He is actually there." This way of thinking only leads to comparison, insecurity, introspection, self-justification, and religion! I don't believe that anymore. Jesus included us all in His life, death, and resurrection. He united Himself to the entire cosmos in our darkness, hurt, confusion, pain, and rejection of Him. From there He is sharing His life with us, and inviting us to participate in the relationship and life that He has already brought us into. I am learning to understand and interpret my experience from this union; it is so refreshing to me, and is very different from when I interpreted my life believing I was separate from God. It has been a process of repentance, of changing my mind, and it still is! Jesus has presented us with a whole different reality, and asks us that we agree with Him and re-think everything we have thought to be true. Here are some of the ways He has renewed my mind.

About a month ago I went up to my families cabin for the weekend to help close it up for the winter. My grandparents live on the lake during the summer time, but then leave for Northfield MN before the cold of winter arrives. They are getting older and so are less able to accomplish the chores and tasks that need to be done at this time of year. The opening of this blog described what took place when I went swimming after a short run.

As I gazed around me at the beauty of creation, experiencing wonder within me, I had quite a large paradigm shift. In the past when I have experienced joy or wonder in creation, I have interpreted that as seeing God's glory in the beauty of what I am seeing. I then would feel compelled to 'give God credit' in some way for the beauty before me. In a subtle almost unrecognizable way that line of reasoning is premised by the idea that God is 'out there'. This moment was different for me than others. As I swam there in the lake, I realized that I wasn't just attributing the beauty that I saw to God, but that my very wonder and appreciation for that beauty was from Him. I am united to Him, He is in me. When God created the world He said, 'It is good'. When I behold the world He is resonating His delight and enjoyment in me and I also say, 'It is good'. My delight and wonder isn't something I make up, it is actually God sharing His life and wonder in me, expressing His delight through me!

I realized something so beautiful; any love I feel, yearning for relationship, recognition of truth, compassion, or delight in beauty, only exists because I am united in Christ! The Father, Son, and Spirit are sharing their life in and through me, resonating with me their love, joy, peace, and wholeness. I can't interpret those experiences as set apart from God, but as His voice and presence within me! Relating with God, hearing His voice, and responding to Him isn't me conforming to an outside principle or reality, it is responding and recognizing the voice and presence that is already within me. As I recognize how He is already united to me, I don't live from a place of straining and striving to build a relationship with God, but instead, I live from a place of discovery and enjoyment of the relationship that already exists.

I now see God in my recognition of beauty, joy, love, and wholeness. I am learning to recognize His presence as the source of those things in my life, and am learning that I don't need to 'search for Him out there'. I now can see God within myself, how He is moving and shaping, producing His love, sensitivity, compassion, wisdom, and joy inside me. Relating with God is now very personal, very present, very real! It isn't something that is 'out there', something that I 'need to accomplish'. His presence isn't distant from my normal ordinary life but inextricably connected to it! My thanksgiving and praise is the simple acknowledgement of His voice and my active awareness of Him rather than a forced expression to a God I believe demands it or is 'other than me'.

Even my love and awareness of God is Christ in me, we don't manufacture that on our own. So much of religion is built on separation and a relationship based on the idea we need to 'build' with God. This isn't further from the truth. Christ came and united Himself to us, He is at work within us, speaking to us, leading us, and producing life in us. Our relationship with Him is actively being aware and enjoying that union, not making it happen! . It is contemplative and mystical, but very personal and real. He is with me, within me, and He is in you too.

My Grandpa loves to work, he loves to use his hands and strength to accomplish projects. He takes delight in being able to build, do chores, and fix things. I love my Grandpa very much. Because I love Him I know what he delights in and therefore I delight in participating with what he is doing. As we worked that weekend I felt his delight and satisfaction as we raked the yard and took in the dock. It wasn't work for me, but a joyful experience of relationship with my Grandpa. This is how God is teaching me to relate with Him, and I believe that's how He wants to relate with all of us. He is very passionate about life, goodness, wholeness, and love. He is the creator of harmony, relationship, and the origin of all goodness. He is sharing Himself with us, resonating His delight and love for life at the core of our being. Our relationship with Him is one of recognizing His presence in our hearts and minds, learning to love Him, and out of that love living within the things that He takes delight in.

This is the most intimate relationship we can ever experience, it is what we were created for. To experience face to face relationship with the Father, Son, and Spirit, to respond to His heart, and to live in His love as He shares it with us. This isn't about religiously conforming our lives to principles or ideas, it isn't about making something happen or about looking 'out there' for God. This is about participating in the very source of life, of realizing that we are united with Him and that there is no separation! It is about learning to recognize His voice within us and joining in the dance of God's other centered love and delight. As I realize my union, I attribute many of my emotions, experiences, and insights to His presence, and not to myself. I am learning to relate to Christ in me, and I have hope that it will only become more glorious (Colossians 1:27)!

The 'Not So Out There' Jesus

I have gone through a huge paradigm shift over the last couple years when it comes to seeing and experiencing God. This hasn't only been an intellectual overhaul, but an experiential one as well. I have always thought of God as being 'out there'. What do I mean by that? I mean that I have primarily interpreted by thoughts, emotions, and experiences as originating in myself; and therefore since I start from a place of independence, any interaction and pursuit of God has to be towards a God that is 'outside of myself'. Does that make any sense? Believing I am alone; I have prayed and worshiped and interpreted my experience from the standpoint that God is 'out there' somewhere and I want to get Him in with me and my life.

The reason I have thought that way is why we all do. First off, I often feel separate from God! We are all such natural control freaks governed by shame and anxiety, that our experience tells us that we are alone. I often feel alone, feel like everything in me and in my experience originates primarily from myself. I have a very self-centered perspective, the world must revolve around me right? Everybody is so aware of who I am and what I do. . anyone relate?

Unfortunately the feeling of being alone is validated in our lives by theology that tells us we are alone. Christian teachers affirm our 'feelings' by telling us we are excluded by God, that we are separate from Him and He from us. We are told that Jesus made a way for us to 'get' to God, and now it is up to us to put in the right amount of effort in order to do so. Get to God. . . a God that is 'out there', beyond us, and removed from my experience. Like I said in the beginning, my perspective has taken a rather large shift.

First off, I am already extremely self-centered; if I am told that God is 'out there' inviting me to include Him in my life, where am I going to start trying to do that? Through my own behavior of course! I am going to navel gaze, to fall into introspection, and try and figure out what I can do right to get God involved. My faith is going to start with me, what do I need to do in order to get Jesus into my life/heart/whatever you want to call it. As Baxter Kruger so succinctly puts it, "If I need to ask Jesus into my heart then I will spend my whole life trying to get Him in, and the rest of it trying to convince myself that He is actually there."

The idea that God is 'out there' makes a whole lot of sense to my experience; and since I am so used to anxiety and fear, it seems normal to interact with God through that lens of will power and selfishness. That is until I realized that I what I have been trying to make happen has been true all along, I have just been blind to it!

You see, Jesus united Himself to me, to you, and to the whole world. The whole point of Him coming was that we couldn't 'climb the mountain' to 'get to Him'.  Jesus, talking about when the Holy Spirit would come said, "on that day you will know, that I am in my Father, that I am in you, and that you are in me (John 14:20)." Wait, what did Jesus just say? He said that the Holy Spirit was going to reveal to us that Jesus is already inside of us! Woah! Take a look at when the apostle Paul was reflecting on encountering God, he sad, 'God was pleased to reveal His son in me.' Wait, so Jesus was already inside a man that was rampaging around killing Christians! Apparently so. Furthermore Paul's mission was to 'reveal Jesus in the Gentiles (Galatians 1:16).' God was in Christ reconciling the cosmos to Himself, Jesus universally represents us all, and included us in His life death and resurrection! I am not separate from Him, Jesus has brought me in, He is inside of me, closer than my next breath!

What does that mean for our faith, for walking out this whole Christian thing? First off, we aren't looking 'out there' for Jesus, we are looking to see Him already with us! That means we have to reinterpret all of our experiences of separation, distance, and exclusion, because they aren't true. Yes you heard me right, those experiences are not what is true in reality. Jesus has always been united to us, always been speaking to us, sharing His life with us, and guiding us. It is our shame, hurt, and pain that blinds us to it; and yet it is actually at the deepest places of our hurt that Jesus united Himself to us! He died for us while we were dead in our sins. It is there, in our hurt and pain where He is doing His redemptive work, that is where He is pouring out streams of living water.

What do we need to do? We need to ask the Holy Spirit to open the eyes of our hearts so that we can see Jesus there. We need to let go of our pretense and shame to actually get deep enough into ourselves to experience the God of life that has been sustaining us all along. We need to learn to recognize how anxiety, fear, and shame influence our perception and decision making. We aren't made to live from those! We need to fight against the lie of separation by calling it a lie. We need to speak the truth so that our minds can come into alignment with reality. I am not separated, I am in union with Jesus. Now I start coming to terms with the contradictions in my experience, the hurt that I feel, and the lies I believe. Now we ask, since Jesus is in me, how has He been at work in my heart and in my life? How is Jesus sharing His life with me in this situation, what is He speaking to me? These aren't questions that make us look outside of ourselves for the answer, but in. He is already with us, already leading and speaking to us. His way is the one of hope, truth, and love; look for how that is taking effect in your life.

We need to interpret our life from union not from separation like we normally do.  If I start with separation, the responsibility still rests on my shoulders to get to God; therefore I start from insecurity and remain self centered. If I start with inclusion and union, I learn to let-go of my efforts and to sink into a place of trusting and seeing how Jesus is already holding and sustaining me. In this way my faith starts with Him not with me.

 "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them (John 7:37-38."