"Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24
Life would be easier if we let go of our 'rights' and sense of entitlement. When I'm offended by someone, I am really saying, "how dare they treat ME that way." What a self-centered prideful notion. We think we deserve something better, which means we look down on others when the don't recognize us the way we think they should.
Entitlement and pride are symptoms of our desire to be validated. We want to be recognized for how we act, feel, or think. In other words we want to be recognized for our performance. This is called legalism, living by the law, or self-justification. I want to be identified by what I do. What would happen if we gave up our right to be treated a certain way? What if we stopped paying attention to how other people treat us, demanding them to treat us by some sort of 'right' we have, and instead focused on how we can treat them? Our joy would drastically increase!
When I relate out of entitlement, I will be living in a place of comparison, trying to justify myself by judging others. There is no joy there. When I die to myself, I recognize that I don't actually 'deserve' anything, and I become free from silly systems of self management and performance. Can you imagine living in a way where you no longer felt like you needed to 'prove' yourself, or to 'become' something worthy. It is such a different paradigm that it can be hard to grasp, but let me tell you that it is a life of freedom, joy, and love! It is true freedom because we don't strive to find identity in the silly performances of the world. We learn to appreciate getting respect and encouragement, but we don't demand it. It is important to be loved, but we love freely regardless of how others decide to treat us.
Jesus shows us that our value has nothing to do with our talents, our wisdom, or our performance in anyway. We are valuable because we are loved by Him. When I 'die to myself', I am actually dying to all of the expectations I have about the world around me. Dying to my expectations is absolutely liberating. You see, we also have to die to the expectations we have of ourselves. Jesus loved everyone around them without once demanding that they pay Him his due. He was humble, He didn't claim any rights, He was not entitled, he did not complain about being treated unfairly. He bled and died for us, and as we crucified Him, He said 'forgive them, they know not what they do.'
Love understands, it is patient and kind, it keeps no record of wrongs..... We have stupidly bought into a system of keeping score of rights and wrong, and in so doing we have sacrificed both love and joy. Giving people the cold shoulder, being rude back, telling a friend about how indignant we are about another person's behavior toward us, complaining...it is all foolishness. Love holds no records, it understands. "They know not what they do." This was a heart-cry that was other centered, not self-centered. He wasn't saying 'woe is me, they should treat me better.' No his pain was for their bondage and suffering, not his own. When someone treats anyone wrongly, it is because they don't understand love. It's irrelevant that I am on the receiving end of their dysfunction, they are the victims of anger, distrust, envy, and hurt, not me.
We can care that people learn to treat others with value, not because we feel so overlooked, but because overlooking the value of others is a hell all in itself. When we are wronged we can have compassion rather than indignation, we can understand rather demand, we can forgive rather than accuse. After all, our value isn't measured by our performance or by others recognizing us for our talents, no are value is as unchanging as the love of the Father. The weight of proving ourselves is gone, in it's place is burden that is easy and light. The 'cross' we bear, is the willingness to not hold people accountable for treating us unjustly. The cross we bear, is actually the beautiful practice of forgiveness, it is God's love for humanity embodied and expressed in us.
